How To Tell Your Partner Is Cheating

It’s not easy to deal with suspicions of cheating.

So many things are at stake, including your relationship.

What if you are wrong? Oh, but what if you are right?

What if you accuse your partner of cheating and it’s not true? What if they deny it? How will things change? Can you ever go back to being normal again?

If you suspect your spouse is cheating on you or even micro-cheating on you, you’ve got a lot to think about.

But before you approach them, pay attention to some of these unfortunate signs that they might be cheating:

1) They are wearing new or different clothing.

If your t-shirt and jeans partner suddenly starts wearing expensive or drastically different clothes, or if they are just putting on clean clothes after wearing their favorite smelly shirt for weeks at a time, something might be amiss.

If your partner has had the same haircut for a long time but suddenly has a bold new haircut  “this could indicate an effort to impress another person,” says Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and co-owner of Double Trust Dating.

If they are suddenly dressing up for a night on the town, hanging out with new people and coming home at all hours of the night without explanation, you might be in trouble.

The best way to approach these situations is to ask them about the evening and what they did.

If they’re avoiding answering your questions or if you notice their story is changing as much as their clothes these days, something might be changing for them that leaves you wondering what the heck happened between the two of you.

When partners are cheating, they are more likely to change the way they present themselves to the world because they want to appear desirable to someone else.

2) They are hiding things from you on their phone.

If they seem to panic when you pick up their phone or laptop and are suddenly trying to control what you can and can’t do on their phone, something is wrong.

According to counselor and therapist, Dr. Tracey Phillips, hiding things from you on their phone may be a sign of cheating:

“They could be trying to avoid receiving any questionable calls or texts in your presence.”

If you have been in a relationship for any length of time, you’ve had access to emails, texts, contact lists, or more and if they are pulling back from that access, it might be because there are suddenly new names and numbers in those contact lists.

If you notice that your partner is deleting texts and constantly clearing their browsing history, then that may not be a good sign.

Does your partner take their phone with them even to the bathroom?

While we all deserve privacy, if you ask to use their phone and they say no, Psychologist Robert Weiss says that this is a problem because “honestly, what could possibly be there – other than information about your surprise birthday – that they would want to keep secret?”

3) You can’t find them or reach them.

Couples that have been together for a while tend to know each other’s schedule.

If he or she is not where they are supposed to be, or if they are not doing what they tell you they are doing, it might be time to sit down and ask them what is going on.

When people are deceptive about their whereabouts or make excuses for why plans changed, things aren’t good.

If you can’t find them or reach them, there might be a reason for that and it’s because they don’t want you to.

Also, according to Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D. in Oprah Magazine, if they stop sharing about their day or their whereabouts, something may be up:

“The most interesting aspects of their day may relate to their new flirtation…This can be more devastating than sexual infidelity as it implies the intimacy of day-to-day life is now being shared with someone new.”

4) A man feels unessential.

A sign that a man is cheating on a woman is when he starts to feel unessential to her.

For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”. And feeling unessential is a common trigger for pulling away and exploring their options elsewhere.

Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!

This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.

Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. Watch his free video here about this fascinating concept.

As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.

So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.

How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose?

In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.

In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.

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