Being Single And Childless At 40 – Toke Makinwa

Popular Nigerian media personality and Nollywood actress, Toke Makinwa, has shared her thoughts on being single and childless at 40. She admitted that while it can be exhausting, she has learned to accept her reality and tell herself the truth.

In the latest episode of her podcast, Toke Moments, titled I Am Growing Up, Not Old, she reflected on how the idea of reaching 40 without a husband or children once terrified her. However, she now embraces her journey with gratitude.

Toke revealed that if she had remarried after her divorce from businessman Maje Ayida, she would likely have gone through another divorce because life’s lessons never stop.

She said, “Regret is so exhausting. Get comfortable with your truth. The hardest thing I could say to myself is that I’m 40, single, and childless. I said it, and I did not die. That used to make me almost tear up. I used to feel like, ‘Oh my God, how am I 40 and I don’t have a child, single and lonely?’”

She explained that perspective is everything. Instead of feeling left behind, she now sees herself as successful and fulfilled.

“If I’m completely honest with you guys, if I had gotten married again, I would be divorced again. Because the lessons just never stop. I’m grateful for the journey, I’m grateful for where I am, I’m grateful that I’m 40. Life is perspective. I could look at it like, ‘Oh my God, I’m 40, and I don’t have a child, I don’t have a husband. People have passed me.’ But I can look at it as, ‘I’m 40, I’m a boss, I’ve built an empire. I’m one of the most resounding voices in Africa. I have the love of family, I’m in great health, I love what I do, I’m not waking up miserable. I have the right amount of people that are supposed to be in my life.’ Sometimes, you need to sit with your truth. And once you sit with your truth, they say, you cannot shame the shameless.”

She encouraged others to accept their reality, believing that things will eventually fall into place at the right time.

“Once you can tell yourself these uncomfortable truths—I’m not always going to be childless, I’m not always going to be without a spouse or a partner if I so desire it. What I desire, desires me, too. This is where I am. This is what it is right now. The moment you can tell yourself those ugly truths, they become beautiful. Sometimes, I’m happy and lucky that I get to experience life this way and learn my lessons this way. Eventually, when the person that’s made for me comes along, I know that I’m more mature, I know that I’m in a better headspace, and I know what it’s like to be in a relationship.”

Toke’s message highlights the importance of embracing personal growth, self-love, and patience in life’s journey.

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