Death!

I know many people have a morbid fear of death. If you are one of such people, please skip the article because that is what I want to talk about.

I have been listening to Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston music for the past two hours (at the time of writing). I never get tired or bored of listening to their music.

As I listened, I began to wonder why God allowed them to die so prematurely, when the world was still savouring their music. Left with man, they would have lived until they were too old to sing and entertain. Then my mind drifted to my personal tragedies. My father gave his all for us. We were planning how we would graduate and reward him for his endless love and sacrifices. While writing my degree examinations, my father died.

My elder brother, Senator Akpor Pius Ewherido was warming up for the 2015 general elections. He had teamed up with others to start a political party, which was later named All Progressive Congress. Yes, he actually wanted to contest 2015 governorship election.

He made it clear to me that law making was his primary turf and would have been contented in the senate, but the plans he had for Delta State could only be actualized as a governor. I put all personal plans aside and plunged into the project. Everything was going according to plan until that black day on June 30 2013, when he suddenly passed on.

I remember that with great pains. My eldest brother, Fr. Tony was invited for a brief meeting at the National Hospital, Abuja. By the time he came back, his eyes were bloodshot. We were looking into his eyes waiting for update. After what seemed like an eternity, with shaky voice, he blurted out, “we lost him.” We were still contending with Pius’ death when we lost my eldest brother, Aloysius, 19 months later.

As I thought of Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, my father and my late brothers I told myself that they did not deserve to die at the time they died. Then remembered Isaiah 55: 12-13: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. That is the only way these deaths and many others can make sense to me. But that does not make these deaths any less painful.

As I said earlier, many people, including septuagenarians and octogenarians, are scared of death. Their relatives also do not want them to die. I too want to get to a ripe age, but since I realized that it is not within my power, I do not think of it anymore. Before, I could fly from Lagos to Houston in America (about a 14-hour journey on a straight flight) without dozing off because of fear crash when I am asleep, as if it makes a difference whether I am asleep or awake. Now, I sleep off on a one-hour Lagos-Abuja flight.

One big brother of mine helped me overcome this fear. He is very rich, but once he gets into his first-class seat, the next assignment is to sleep. I once asked him that with all his wealth, how does he manages to do that. He responded: “Francis, forget. Once you dey up there, wetin you fit do?” Near death experiences have also helped me to realize the helplessness of man when it comes to death and our very mortal nature. It is appointed unto every man to die. What we do not know is when and how. My prayer is that God saves us from premature, sudden and unexpected death.

I have been unconscious before, which gave me an idea of what death looks like. You feel no pain and you are shut out from happenings around you. You feel no hurt, frustration, disappointment and bereavement. Another lot of everyman is bereavement. At some point in life, you lose loved ones. There are only two ways to avoid bereavement.

The first is to die before all your loved ones, including your parents. The second is to stop loving. Bereavement is not just about losing a relative, it is about losing someone you loved. Why is it that you read that 1000 people perished in another part of the world and you do not wail? You read the story out of curiosity and move on. You have no bond with them.

But living in a world without loving anyone is not living, that is, if it is even possible. It is difficult not to love. I remember 1988 after my father died. I was devastated. He was not just a father, he was one of the most selfless and caring men I ever knew. He broke my heart. I started looking at my mother with suspicion. I decided that I will not love her because I do not want my heart to be broken again. Then I realized that it was impossible not to love her.

She had invested so much in my life and molded me. God used her to give me wisdom and she was beside my father in the trenches through thick and thin. I love my mother endlessly and I am not tired of saying it. She is 89 years now, but I still yearn for her company. I want her around much longer, especially since she is still strong and alert. But when God finally calls her, I will miss her dearly, but I will not be heartbroken, because that will be ingratitude to God. God has been faithful to her. My final thought

“I hold it true, whate’er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.”

• Alfred Lord Tennyson

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