Major Gestures I Took For Granted

During my university days, I became friends with some fellow students. Some of these friendships graduated to brotherhood.  In fact, my mum called me one day and said, “Emma and Deno are no longer your friends; they are your brothers. Misunderstanding can arise between brothers, but do not allow anything to separate you.”

Deno housed me in the late 80s for about 10 months after I came back to Lagos before I got my own accommodation. He and Christy, his wife, were already dating before I went to stay with him. Of course, after marriage, my visits continued. Without GSM then, you were never sure the person you were visiting would be home.

If he were not home, I stayed with Christy until he came back. She would prepare ukodo for me (pepper soup and plantain/yam). We stayed until Deno came back. After GSM came, I would call Deno and tell him I was coming on a certain date and time to drop documents. He would simply tell me that, “I nor go dey house, but Christy dey.” “Ok, just tell am to prepare my ukodo.” I would go, drop or pick the documents, eat my ukodo, gist for some time and leave.

Like Deno, I met Emma 40 years ago. We relocated to Lagos after we left the university. When Emma met Ezinne, I was among the first persons he told. I was involved throughout the courtship and eventual marriage. Incidentally, Emma and I got married two weeks apart. We were also neighbours. Without GSM, we visited each other without notice. Till date, Emma pops in without notice. Ezinne is like my younger sister, so I can go to their house and “harass” her in my usual style. Emma does not need to be home. When I returned to Nigeria in 2022, after being away for nine months due to ill-health, it took her time before she came to see me. I adapted one Lenten hymn for her: “Ezinne, what have I done to you? How have I offended you, answer me?” She gave me her trademark laughter and apologised, attributing her action to work pressure. All the women named here have become big sisters to my wife.

Only Ezinne is her age mate and she calls Ezinne, “senior house girl.” Find out from her how that came about, if you are curious.

Ese and I met during registration of new students at the University of Nigeria. Once we knew we were Urhobo from Bendel State, the friendship started. Ese had been living in Lagos with the elder sister. After NYSC we reunited in Lagos. Somewhere he introduced me to his fiancée, Agatha. There was no GSM at the time Ese got married, so I rode my luck a few times to visit.

On two occasions, I met only Agatha, but it was not an issue. When Agatha was a branch manager at the bank near my office, I visited her a few times either alone or with my wife.

I met Holy Mary, as I call her, in 1986. She came for the priestly ordination of my eldest brother, now Bishop Anthony Ovayero Ewherido, with her mother. My brother mandated me to take care of them, which I did to Mary’s satisfaction. That was the beginning of our friendship.

When I relocated to Lagos after my NYSC, I met Jim, her fiancé. She left Jim in no doubt that I was special to her and Jim also treated me specially. After their marriage, I visited them without prior notice because there was no GSM. They spend more time in Awka now, but when she calls, that is at least one hour talk. Thereafter, I will speak with Jim. He is also an Arsenal fan and we’ll do our own talk.

Beatrice and I met in 1990, when we were working in Victoria Island. She is Isoko and we became very close due to my Isoko links. We spoke mainly Isoko. She loved my Ozoro accent. When I came back after my health ordeal, Beatrice came to see me. Once she stepped in, she hugged my wife, dropped her bag, stood over me: “Me n’uzo na” (let me see the head) and started running her hand through my head, examining the scars and the contours. I smiled and said to myself, “omote r’Adaghara (Adaghara’s daughter)! Only someone like Beatrice can do this and in front of my wife for that matter.” As far as my wife was concerned, it’s a brother and sister affair.

Oga Chris was my former boss, I went to his house for the first time in 1999. He introduced me to his wife, “meet your brother.” She is a Deltan. My bond with Oga Chris soon extended to her and later, my wife. When we were away for those nine months, his wife was among the friends who came to check on our children.

I made more friends, more like big brothers, later. I would call Olorogun and tell him that I am coming over the weekend to collect items. He would simply say, “I am leaving Lagos for Ovwodokpokpor (Delta State) on Thursday. Meet Nuvie (His wife).” On Saturday, I would go there. The wife treated me specially the way her husband did, so I couldn’t just collect the items and leave. If Arsenal was playing, she switched to the football channel. Now this was the problem. Olorogun has security men at the gate, but he lives alone in the main house with his wife. I didn’t want the security guards to wonder why I was spending so much time alone with madam when oga was not in town.

For the sake of the security men, I always went with my wife or one of my children. Chief Simeon is another big brother. I call the wife big sis. I am home with the wife, whether or not he is home. I would call another big bros, “Presido, you dey house? I dey your neighbourhood.” He would “order” me, “Go house go wait for me, madam dey house. I go dey house in 30 minutes.” There are a few more of these special relationships.

I grew accustomed to this trust until I had a shocker.  I told a young couple I would come to visit them. I have known the wife for a long time as a spinster, but the husband only recently. As a rule, I want to know and possibly be also close to husbands of married women who are my friends, just as my female friends have to know my wife.

I told them the time and kept to it. The husband went out and was caught up in the notorious Lagos traffic. I decided to wait for him. All of a sudden, I heard a bang on the door and someone frantically trying to open the protector. Then he stormed in sweating profusely. I had thought he was rushing because he kept an older person waiting. Then he saw my wife. His demeanour changed: he was apparently embarrassed and deflated because he thought I was home alone with his wife. I was soooo pissed off.

Then I remembered my friends who trusted me when I was alone with their wives. I have been taking their trust for granted. I dedicate today’s article to Deno Bayagbon, Emma Esinnah, Ese Omosivwe, Chief Jim Ogugua, Dan Aghwadoma (Beatrice’s husband), Oga Chris, Olorogun Jacob Diedjomahor, Chief Simeon Ohwofa, Prince Austin Enajemo-Isire and a few others. Your trust has a new meaning to me.

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